The princess and the Dollar General
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Sean of the South
Sean Dietrich
Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in a great big old castle. She was very beautiful, with long, flowy hair, and her teeth were really nice, too. Nice and straight.
The princess had everything she wanted. Whenever she lacked, she snapped her fingers and said, “Bring me…!” and then she would name the object of her desire and her servants would fall all over themselves to secure the object of her want. If her servants took too long fetching the object, however, the king would become annoyed and occasionally mention the possibility of removing their heads.
On the other side of the kingdom was a village where lived a peasant girl who was not imbued with such fortune. She was the youngest of a poor family. She worked part time at Dollar General.
The peasant girl had wiry hair, since she did not use expensive shampoos but the cheap stuff. Her teeth were not super-straight. Her clothes were rags.
So anyway, one day, the princess was riding her horse through the woods. Her servants were following behind, but she was galloping so fast that her servants lost sight of her. Soon, the princess was lost in the woods.
Then the worst thing happened.
A band of thieves fell upon her. They took everything of value that she had. They stole her fine garments, all her jewelry, and even her horse. They left her lying in rags, in a ditch, with a few broken bones. And worse, her hair was all messed up.
That same afternoon, an old beggar woman walked the woodland byway. She saw the princess lying in the mud, but did not know she was a princess. She saw only the ragged robes, and the mud on her face.
“Please help me,” moaned the princess.
But the beggar woman continued walking onward. She cast not even a glance toward the princess.
“I’m too old and feeble to help,” replied the woman. “Someone else will be along to help you. There is always someone else.”
Next, there came a priest. He was working on his weekly sermon, talking to himself, gesticulating with his hands. When he saw the princess lying there, soiled from crown to foot, he pretended not to see her.
“Please help me,” she begged.
“I’m sorry,” he exclaimed with a smile. “I am late for an important supper at the rectory. But fear not, I will pray for you.”
So he did, he prayed right there. He grasped both of her hands and said a beautiful prayer. After his final amen, he went cheerfully on his way.
The princess lay in the ditch overnight. It was very cold that evening, and she thought she might freeze to death. She heard wolves in the woods, too.
The next morning, the peasant girl came walking through the woods, gathering greens and wild herbs for supper. She heard painful moans and found the princess.
“Good heavens!” cried the peasant girl.
She removed the princess from the mud. She fetched her father’s mule and wagon, and carried the princess to her own home.
The peasant girl mended the princess’s wounds, then heated water in a large trough for a bath. She even went to Dollar General to purchase the most expensive shampoo she could find in the aisles. Instead of just buying Suave shampoo she bought Tresemmé Rich Moisture Hydrating Shampoo which cost over $7 bucks.
Then, the peasant girl went to great pains to feed the princess a delicious dinner. She also let the princess sleep in her own bed that night.
The next morning, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men arrived at the peasant girl’s thatch hut to collect the princess.
The king beat on the door.
The peasant girl opened shyly.
“You have shown kindness to my daughter,” proclaimed the king. “This, you did freely, without even knowing that she was a royal.”
The peasant girl replied, “Oh, but I DID know that she was a princess.”
“How did you know?” asked the king.
“Because,” the peasant child said with a smile, “every child of God is royalty.”
So act accordingly.
