Hail Saban!
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Southern Blend
John Rittmann
Author’s note: This is a joke, even if it doesn’t make you laugh.
Obviously all of us Alabamians know that Nick Saban is one of the most beloved figures in our state. Even us Auburn fans have come to accept that he’s just better than us. Out loud, your orange and blue loved one will protest that I wrote that. But just know that in their heart, they, too, know a love for him.
He represents the ideal football coach – tough but fair, willing to work alongside his players, and an excellent representative for his team. But you know what? Something’s fishy here. Lots of coaches have those qualities. There must be something more to it. Something…spooky.
First off, let’s start with the Alabama “A.” Obviously this is an Eye of Ra from Egypt. Per Wikipedia, “The Eye of Ra or Eye of Re is a being in ancient Egyptian mythology that functions as a feminine counterpart to the sun god Ra and a violent force that subdues his enemies. The eye is an extension of Ra’s power, equated with the disk of the sun, but it often behaves as an independent goddess.”
A violent force that subdues the enemies of the sun god. Alabama’s pretty hot in the summer, so I can see this.
Author’s note: Obviously.
Another option is influence from the Hindu faith. Alabama’s mascot is an elephant, which is of course a reference to the Hindu elephant god Ganesh. Ganesh has been written about as far back as ancient Sansrkit and Vedic texts, and they are written about in the Puranas as “god of success” and “obstacle mover.” So already, on top of Saban’s professed Catholic faith, University of Alabama is playing with a loaded metaphysical deck.
It goes further, though! We have The Crimson Tide to consider. What does the color crimson mean, spiritually speaking? Well with this we can simply look at the Bible itself: In both Second Chronicles and Jeremiah, the color crimson is used to symbolize the worship of God.
But then, why Saban? Why is he the conduit of so much football power? Why was Nicholas Saban bestowed so many sports blessings that he is able to harness the raw spiritual abundance of the Crimson Tide?
First off, let’s look at his astrological sign. Nick Saban is a Scorpio sun sign AND moon sign. According to people who seem to believe in this stuff, this is very good. Per an internet search I did until I found an answer that fits the joke of this article, it means the following: “People born with both their moon and sun in Scorpio will seem mysterious, captivating and powerful. They are passionate and creative, but will be secretive about their emotions and ambitions. Loyal, proud and strong, they are unafraid to fight for everything they believe in.”
Okay. Okay see? See? Nick Saban is obviously some sort of astrologically mystical force hellbent on winning at football. If you’re not convinced, that’s okay, because I’m about to spend five minutes learning about numerology to prove my point.
And done. Guess what? Numerology says he’s got fancy powers, too.
So I learned that in order to do a numerological analysis, I had to add the numbers in his date of birth in a special way, which resulted in the number 11. Here’s what some website that I used to prove my point says about individuals with this particular Life Number:
“Elevens: The Energetic Visionary: Intuitive, energetic and sensitive, elevens are like amplified versions of twos. Frequently living lives with both a visionary energy and turmoil, elevens are insightful but prone to high anxiety and stress.”
Again, we have a winner. So there you have it, folks. The University of Alabama’s dominance in football has nothing to do with skill, recruiting, funding, luck, any of that.
It’s simply predestined.