How funeral traditions are changing
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Reflections
Michael J. Brooks
It was some time ago that I accepted an invitation to spend several days in Washington, D.C. with the Southern Baptist Christian Life Commission as it was known at the time.
We had meetings with several officials and a prayer breakfast with two Southern Baptist senators – Sen. Al Gore of Tennessee and Sen. Trent Lott of Mississippi. Senate Chaplain Richard Halverson was our host.
My departure flight was on Saturday afternoon. I was preparing to leave our house when the phone rang. A member of our church announced her mother had died, the funeral was Monday at 10, and I was to officiate. I politely explained that I was available later in the week, but not that day. The church member wasn’t happy with me.
Interestingly, her mother wasn’t a member of our church, but a lady I’d visited in the nursing home. I suggested to her I call my associate who did officiate. I visited this lady upon returning and thought her disappointment had dissipated. It was not to be.
Several years later after moving to another ministry, I happened to see her while passing through the area. She said, “Michael, you were a good pastor, but I’m still disappointed you wouldn’t do Mama’s funeral.”
I suppose she took this disappointment to heaven with her.
Every pastor knows the press of expectations like this from time to time. But funeral traditions have changed since COVID-19. Now families don’t feel the deadline of “the third day” for funerals and sometimes plan them a week or more later.
“The third day” is perhaps related to the resurrection of Jesus. Others say it’s an optimum time for corpse preservation before some deterioration.
Nevertheless, I think this is a good change, especially since I’ve seen a number of families make unwise decisions under the pressure of time.
An old classic, “The American Way Of Death,” explained especially how families make hasty financial decisions in times like this, often in a way they think assuages the guilt they feel for not caring enough or not being there at a critical hour.
Another interesting change is that often the burial will take place or the cremation done, and the family will have a memorial service without the body or urn. Thus, the family can remain at the church or funeral home and visit with well-wishers without having to leave quickly for the procession and burial.
Funeral customs have changed since the time bodies remained in private homes and family members “sat up” through the night with caskets.
I think there’s nothing wrong with doing something different while being sure we honor the deceased, care for the family and worship the God who gives us hope.
Michael J. Brooks, pastor of Siluria Baptist Church in Alabaster and former Judson College faculty member, writes a weekly faith column. Visit siluriabaptist.com.
