Be watchful for signs of abuse, including emotional abuse

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Have you seen Hughes Wholesale selling out of a “pop-up” on Highway 9 in downtown Equality? They have a variety of tools, mostly Ryobi, which I LOVE! They set up Tuesday through Saturday, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., weather and traffic permitting. They have plans to move into a building in Kellyton, date not yet determined. Stop and shop while they are in this convenient location.
The Equality Performing Arts Center (EPAC) has karaoke tonight, the third Friday, October 20. Come share your talents with us. While it is not mandatory, you are encouraged to bring a dish of shareable food for our “Potluck,” and if you can afford to drop something into the donation jar for the music, it helps keep the lights on. The EPAC provides free coffee, iced tea, water, and fresh-popped popcorn, as well as some of the potluck offerings.
The Equality Neighborhood Watch meeting is Thursday, October 26, from 6:30 – 8 p.m. Come join the community meeting and hear what is happening in our community and enjoy the potluck and fellowship.
On a more serious thought, do you know what abuse looks like or what the signs of abuse are? Between watching a show called “The Misery Machine” about children who died at the hands of their caregivers, because the system failed them, and some recent community activity has me thinking about this sensitive subject.

I personally came out of an emotionally abusive marriage where I was isolated from friends and family, berated, humiliated, manipulated; there was nothing I could do right, despite providing most of the household income and paying off his debts that were in collection. I met him in church, and every time I turned to the church for help, I was told I needed to try harder, expect less from him, do more.

I was isolated, lonely, fearful, lost who I was a person, lost my friends. I was a prisoner, and his possession.

After my son was born, I finally found the courage and one person to help me, a stranger, and I filed for divorce, going against my church and my Biblical upbringing. I also had to move more than 100 miles away to be free.

Let me tell you something about victims of emotional and psychological abuse, they DON’T speak up. They are so verbally beaten down they lose their voice; they blame themselves and feel isolated and shameful, sometimes guilty for allowing it. The abuser can appear well voiced, controlled, even charismatic and friendly and liked by outsiders, so getting support is difficult. When a victim attempts to speak to people about the abuse, they are challenged in articulating the abuse because there are no bruises, broken bones, or black eyes.

It has been 28 years, and I am still recovering. I have trust issues because of it. Because of my experience, I am suspicious of churches, police and courts. They are biased toward money, position and charismatic influence, and not there for the poor, weak, or abused.

Please learn the signs of abuse in both children and adults. It is not all about bruises and broken bones. You could be the difference in helping, and you could possibly save a life.

Here are 10 red flags: All-consuming jealousy; the attempt to control all aspects of the individual’s life; the attempt to isolate the individual from family and friends; violating the individual’s privacy; treating the individual with disrespect by blaming, shaming and putting them down; blaming the individual for their (abuser’s) own bad behavior; threatening the individual with harm, or alternately, with hurting themselves if the individual doesn’t do what they want; destroying the individual’s personal possessions; inability to show compassion toward anyone, but especially the individual; pressuring the individual to engage in what is important to them, at the expense of what’s important to the individual. … Thank you for taking the time to read and learn. For more information, check out resources available online or at your local library.

I depend upon my readers to share with me what is happening within your organizations, churches, neighborhoods, groups, or family to share in next week’s column. Please contact me; call or text 256-531-6460 or email at coosacafe@gmail.com.